she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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