guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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