A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Rumble strips road head = magical
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
