he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
