remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize
