Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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