i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
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