Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(509): View more from Washington

ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!

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(602): View more from Arizona

Duck Duck Cougar?

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(509): View more from Washington

My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.

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(614): View more from Ohio

Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.

(1-614): View more from Ohio

I had better be fucking involved with step four.

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17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
Read it at the TFLN blog
(908): View more from New Jersey

this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow

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(619): View more from California

My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.

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(815): View more from Illinois

it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her

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(408): View more from California

Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?

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(423): View more from Tennessee

He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?

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