This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.