ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Duck Duck Cougar?
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?