I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.