Texts From Last Night

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  (212): View more from New York

  And mexicans. My burrito likes you.

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  (212): And mexicans. My burrito likes you. http://tfl.nu/p311
  Replies (2) Good night (1989) Bad night (879)
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  (848): View more from New Jersey

  it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away

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  (848): it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away http://tfl.nu/wxvn
  Replies (17) Good night (997) Bad night (6196)
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  (763): View more from Minnesota

  Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.

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  (763): Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub. http://tfl.nu/2fqf
  Replies (7) Good night (4506) Bad night (1121)
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  (281): View more from Texas

  Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.

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  (281): Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low. http://tfl.nu/mevg
  Replies (5) Good night (909) Bad night (1308)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.

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  (720): As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap. http://tfl.nu/ppqd
  Replies (4) Good night (1662) Bad night (586)
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.

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  (613): We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me. http://tfl.nu/jjop
  Replies (9) Good night (2026) Bad night (672)
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.

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  (317): Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck. http://tfl.nu/efut
  Replies (6) Good night (597) Bad night (721)
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  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.

  (1-715): View more from Wisconsin

  I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)

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  (715): If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real. (1-715): I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;) http://tfl.nu/oqj0
  Replies (2) Good night (1070) Bad night (344)
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.

  (1-405): View more from Oklahoma

  Does he think you're psycho?

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  Officially...... yes.

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  (405): I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new. (1-405): Does he think you're psycho? (405): Officially...... yes. http://tfl.nu/uyur
  Replies (8) Good night (1536) Bad night (494)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder

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  (503): Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder http://tfl.nu/i6jl
  Replies (8) Good night (954) Bad night (440)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...

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  (443): I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ... http://tfl.nu/71on
  Replies (1) Good night (276) Bad night (560)
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  (501): View more from Arkansas

  Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.

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  (501): Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay. http://tfl.nu/a936
  Replies (1) Good night (335) Bad night (460)
• Favorite

  (620): View more from Kansas

  Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?

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  (620): Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face? http://tfl.nu/ela9
  Replies (5) Good night (283) Bad night (707)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.

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  (570): If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too. http://tfl.nu/6z8l
  Replies (4) Good night (438) Bad night (703)
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.

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  (804): I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there. http://tfl.nu/77p4
  Replies (9) Good night (866) Bad night (229)

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