tell your sister to shave her snatch
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.