she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?