I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
