Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
