we have pet lesbian snakes
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize