doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
