I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
