Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Randomize
