Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
