when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
