she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
