I will die if light touches me.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
