I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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