No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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