Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
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