Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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