Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
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you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
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Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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