I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
