Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
