A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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