i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize
