Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
