so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
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I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
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Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
My bed smells like the plague
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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