Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize