do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
