a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize