Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
