He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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