My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
You need a sexual gate keeper
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Randomize
