Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
