how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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