He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
