3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Just fell off a train. Bad.
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
