I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
It's blow job season.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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