just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
