you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
