dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
