he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
