In the future we'll all be gay
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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