I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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