I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
