I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
