Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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