doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
