you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Randomize
