I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize