never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
