I need help removing her.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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