If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
