I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
