Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
