So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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