it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
