And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
