She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
