Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
