I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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