i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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