i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
When did we convert life to cartoon?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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