I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
