Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
wanna go halves on a baby?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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