White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
